Recently (only 2 weeks ago...) I went through my second miscarriage in 3 months. It was my sixth over all.
Baruch HaShem I also have 5 happy, healthy, thriving, BEAUTIFUL children, so my arms are full of blessings continuously.
Yet, at the same time, my arms ache to hold the little ones that I never will here. My heart grieves for the babies that I carried for such a short time. I long to connect with other Eemas who understand. I've searched the internet high and low, looking, longing to find another Jewish Eema to talk to, to cry with, to understand. And sadly, I didn't find any.. There are some good resources (such as ATime) but often they are for women who are also struggling with infertility, who have no children in this world yet. I read what I could, but I feel bad about posting much in a forum full of women waiting for their first child in arms, when I have five.
But I don't want to fall through the cracks. I am forever greatful to HaShem for my 5 here with me, but I need a place where I can be sad and grieve my 6 that have left this world, without fear of upsetting anyone. Struggling to cope with a miscarriage is hard enough with all the myriad of emotions without adding more into the mix.
So, here I will say the tings in my heart. Share my grief, share my simchas. And while this is largely for my sake that I give voice to my grieving here, I hope, maybe, that in so doing, that I may help another Eema feel just a little less alone.
Channa
